Allah gave me two eyes to see !! (poem)

Allah gave me two eyes to see
the shiny green leaves of plants and trees

The black of night, the white of snow
and the colors of the bright rainbow

The tall gray buildings
and the tiny brown bee
Allah gave me two eyes to see

Allah gave me two ears to hear
the humming-bird humming as it draws near
the evening stillness so quiet and clear

The noisy dogs bark as we walk in the park
my father's loud sneeze and the whispering breeze

The tea kettle singing, the door bell ringing
Allah gave me two ears to hear

Allah gave me a tongue to taste
chocolate cake so fun to bake

Sour cherries and sweet blueberries
salty chips and spicy dips

cold ice cream that we eat in haste
Allah gave me a tongue to taste

Allah gave me a nose to smell
sweet incense and flowers around the fence

burning leaves and pepper that makes me sneeze
good food cooking while i wait looking

In the bakery, the buns they sell
Allah gave me a nose to smell

Allah gave me my skin to feel
with fingers and toes, elbows and heels

Slippery soap and sticky gum
my kitten's fur and his rough, tickly tongue

bark on trees and scrapes on knees
my mother's hands made to heal
Allah gave me my skin to feel

Allah gave me.....
a mind to think and
a heart to love and thank Him for His gifts from above
a mouth to smile and praise Him all the while
SUBHAN ALLAH (Glory to Allah)
AL HAMDULILLAH (Praise to Allah)
ALLAHU AKBAR (Allah is the greatest)

By Fatima M. D'Oyen

The Ant

Also, ponder over the frail ant - the intelligence and dynamics it was granted in gathering, storing, preserving and repelling harms/disease from its provision. You will indeed see signs and lessons in this.

You see a group of ants, if they want to gather and store their sustenance, they depart from their swarm in search for it. When they find it, they make a pathway from their home to the food and embark on transporting it [back]. You find that they are two groups; a carrier group that carries the sustenance to their home in a line, and another group that does not cross paths with the first group which leaves it's home headed for the sustenance. They are like two threads, like a group of people parting in one path, and another group beside them returning.

If something is too heavy for one of them, a group of ants gather to help it carry the weight, like a group of people helping each other carry a boulder or log. So if one ant discovers [a big piece], its companions help it carry it home and clear the way for it. If a group of ants meet it, they would help with the weight and break it into small pieces at the door.

An experienced man once stated that he saw a wondrous thing while watching them one day. He said: I saw an ant approach a grass hopper's wing, it tried to carry it but was unable to lift it off the ground. It then went nearby and returned with a group of ants. I lifted the wing off the ground, so when the ant reached the area, it walked in circles around it and so did its companions but they weren't able to find anything. They left and I replaced the wing. The same ant found it again and brought the group once again and I also lifted the wing again. They circled the area and when they didn't find anything, they formed a circle around the first ant and attacked it, cutting it to pieces as I watched!

Their intelligence is also bewildering, when they carry seeds to their homes, they break them so that they do not sprout. If the seed is of the type that sprouts when split, they split it into four pieces. If the seeds are moistened or get wet and the ants fear they may spoil, they take them out [to dry] in the sun and then return them. This is why you sometimes find a lot of broken seeds outside an ant home, and if you return a little while later you wouldn’t find one seed.

Another aspect of their intelligence is that they do not build a nest except on high ground in order to protect themselves from being drowned by running water, so you wouldn’t find an ant nest at the bottom of a valley, rather you would find it on top or above the water level.

In attesting for their intelligence, it is sufficient what Allaah the Majestic, the Elevated, stated in His Book: what an ant said to a group of ants when it saw Sulaimaan, عليه الصلاة والسلام, and his troops:

{O ants! Enter your dwellings, lest Sulaimaan (Solomon) and his hosts should crush you, while they perceive not.}

It spoke with ten different categories of speech in its advice: Al Nida-a, al Tanbeeh, at Tasmiyah, al Amr, an Nass, at Tah-dheer, al Takh-sees, al Taf-heem, at Ta'meem and al I-'itithaar. So its advice, though summarized, consisted of these ten [categories of speech] and this is why Sulaimaan was amused by its speech, smiled and asked Allaah to enable him to be grateful for the blessing that He bestowed upon him when he heard the ant's speech. Do not think that this level of intelligence is far fetched for a whole nation/species that glorifies their lord, as was authentically related that the Prophet said:

"One of the prophets rested under a tree and was bitten by an ant [he removed the sting?] and then burnt down the ant hill so Allah revealed to him: Just because one ant bit you, you burnt down a one whole nation [of ants] that glorify [their lord], because of one ant."

What is the first (religious) obligation on Allah's servants ?

The first religious obligation on Allah's servants is to realize the purpose for which Allah, the Almighty created them. The purpose for which He took their covenant and send them His Messengers and Books, and for which He created this present life, the Hereafter, Paradise and Hell-fire; and for which the Inevitable would come true; and the event would befall; and for which the Balance is set and the Records fly; and for which there would be either happiness or misery according to which the lights would be divided. For any whom Allah gives not light, there will be no light for him.

Mother's sacrifies ... (a touching story)

My mom only had one eye. I hated her… she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell… anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment. There was this one day during elementary school.

I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school… “Your mom only has one eye?!” and they taunted me.

I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, “Mom, why don’t you have the other eye?! You’re only going to make me a laughingstock. Why don’t you just die?” My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I’d wanted to say all this time. Maybe it was because my mom hadn’t punished me, but I didn’t think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

That night… I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I’m living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it’s a place that doesn’t remind me of my mom.

This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me “What?! Who’s this?!” It was my mother… Still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom’s eye.

And I asked her, “Who are you? I don’t know you!!” as if I tried to make that real. I screamed at her “How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! Get out of here now!!” And to this, my mother quietly answered, “oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,” and she disappeared. Thank goodness… she doesn’t recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn’t going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.

Then a wave of relief came upon me… one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house…just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand…. it was a letter to me.

She wrote:

My son,

I think my life has been long enough now. And… I won’t visit Seoul anymore… but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school…. For you… I’m sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you.

You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye… so I gave you mine… I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me. I thought to myself, ‘it’s because he loves me.’ I miss the times when you were still young around me.

I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me.

My World Shattered. I hated the person who only lived for me . I cried for My Mother, I didn’t know of any way that will make up for my worst deeds…

Moral: Never Ever hate anyone for their disabilities. Never disrespect your parents, don’t ignore and under estimate their sacrifices. They give us life, they raise us better than they had been, they give and keep trying to give better than they ever had. They never wish unwell for their kids even in their wildest dreams. They always try showing right path and being motivator. Parents give up all for kids, forgive all mistakes made by kids. There is no way to repay what they done for kids, all we can do is try giving what they need and it is just time, love and respect.

Buying a new car !!

When a person buys a new car, he always tries to keep it clean and safe from any type of damages. He will also drive very safely to avoid accidents, as he doesn't want a slight dent on his new car. Even if his own beloved child makes a small scratch on the car, he will become angry and tell the child to stay away from it next time. What makes this person to care for his car so much? It's because he has spent a lot of money and energy behind acquiring the car.

Today, not only one scratch, people are putting thousands of scratches on Islam from all sides. But how many Muslims care? Very few. Why don't they care? It's because they have not spent their health and wealth for the sake of Islam. As a result, they have no value for it. The companions of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) realized the value of Islam because they acquired Islam by sacrificing much of their energy and wealth.

The locks on the door

I always lock my doors before going outside. I believe all of us do the same to protect our valuable properties from the thieves. I have seen people with more than 3 locks on the door and some also have a specialized integrated alarm system against forceful entry! Some also have 24 hours live monitoring systems built in the house. Then one day I was thinking, it is quite sad that we use so many locks in order to safeguard some belongings, but, we have little or no locks at all in ourselves to safeguard our iman from Shaitan and evils of this world. This iman, which is more precious than any material thing, needs more protection than our belongings.

Rules of Joking in Islam

Some people joke too much and it becomes a habit for them. This is the opposite of the serious nature which is the characteristic of the believers. Joking is a break, a rest from ongoing seriousness and striving; it is a little relaxation for the soul. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Fear joking, for it is folly and generates grudges.”

Imaam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The kind of joking which is forbidden is that which is excessive and persistent, for it leads to too much laughter and hardening of the heart, it distracts from remembrance of Allaah, and it often leads to hurt feelings, generates hatred and causes people to lose respect and dignity. But whoever is safe from such dangers, then that which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to do is permissible for him.”

Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas said: “Set a limit to your jokes, for going to extremes makes you lose respect and incites the foolish against you.”

The amount of joking should be like the amount of salt in one’s food.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart.” (Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7312)

‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Whoever laughs too much or jokes too much loses respect, and whoever persists in doing something will be known for it.”

So beware of joking, for it “causes a person to lose face after he was thought of as respectable, and it brings him humiliation after esteem.”

A man said to Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyaynah (may Allaah be pleased with him), “Joking is not right, it is to be denounced.” He replied, “Rather it is Sunnah, but only for those who know how to do it and do it at the appropriate time.”

Nowadays, although the ummah needs to increase the love between its individual members and to relieve itself of boredom, it has gone too far with regard to relaxation, laughter and jokes. This has become a habit which fills their gatherings and wastes their time, so their lives are wasted and their newspapers are filled with jokes and trivia.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If you knew what I know, you would laugh little and weep much.” In Fath al-Baari it says: “What is meant by knowledge here has to do with the might of Allaah and His vengeance upon those who disobey Him, and the terrors that occur at death, in the grave and on the Day of Resurrection).

Muslim men and women have to be inclined to choose righteous and serious friends in their lives, who will help them to make good use of their time and strive for the sake of Allaah with seriousness and steadfastness, good and righteous people whose example they can follow. Bilaal ibn Sa’d said: “I saw them [the Sahaabah] jokingly pretending to fight over some goods, and laughing with one another, but when night came they were like monks.”

Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) was asked, “Did the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.”

So you have to follow the example of such people, who were knights by day and monks (i.e., devoted worshippers) by night.

May Allaah keep us, you and our parents safe on the Day of the Greatest Terror, those to whom the call will go out on that great Day:

“Enter Paradise, no fear shall be on you, nor shall you grieve”

[al-A’raaf 7:49 – interpretation of the meaning]

Muslims say that the Qur'an is a Miracle. What is so miraculous about a book?

Previous prophets performed miracles to prove that their message was not their own but God's message. In the case of the Qur'an, the message itself is the miracle.

The prophet Muhammad, on whom be peace, did not know how to read or write. Yet the Qur'an which was being revealed to him was (and still is) the highest pinnacle of literary beauty and excellence in the Arabic Language. It was beyond the ability of the prophet to produce this book. And God declares that it is beyond the ability of all of humankind and spirit-kind to produce a book like the Qur'an.

The Qur'an was revealed piece by piece over a period of twenty-three years. During this time, God challenged humankind four times to produce a book like the Qur'an, and they couldn't do it. When the prophet and his followers were being persecuted in Mecca, God showed the persecutors a simple way by which they can wipe out the message of the Qur'an. God stated that this book cannot be produced by men or spirit creatures. Obviously, if they pooled together their abilities and composed a book like the Qur'an they would have proved the Qur'an to be false in its claim. But they couldn't. And here is what the Qur'an claims:
Say: If the whole of mankind and Jinns were to gather together to produce the like of this Qur'an they could not produce the like thereof, even if they backed up each other with help and support (Qur'an 17:88).

Although people ardently wished to block the message of the Qur'an and they tried everything they could to stifle it, yet they did not try this obvious strategy. Why? Because it cannot be done. So God reduced the challenge for them: never mind the whole book; produce just ten chapters if you can. This challenge is mentioned in Surah 11:13 in the Qur'an “Do they say this; 'He has fabricated it?' Say you, 'Bring then ten chapters the like of it. And call all those whom you can besides Allah, if you are truthful.” Again they couldn't do it. And they were the literary giants of their day. They held fairs to promote their own literary masterpieces. They hung their prized compositions on the door of the house of pilgrimage for all to see. But they could not match the stunning verses of the Qur'an.

God reduced the challenge further still (Qur'an 10:38) “Do they say, 'he has fabricated it?' Say you, 'then bring a sure like it, and call upon all whom you could get besides I Allah, if you are truthful.” If they cannot produce ten chapters, then how about one chapter? Just one! And they couldn't do it, so they eventually pulled down their proud exhibits from where they were hung. The Qur'an had proved its point: this is no man-made book.

Yet they tried everything to banish the Qur'an from the face of the earth. They even made an attempt on the life of the prophet. He fled to Madinah, another city. And there the Qur'an kept coming to him piece by piece. The challenge was repeated yet again. This time God reduced the emphasis as if to say, okay you couldn't produce a chapter like it; now produce a chapter even remotely like it. This challenge is mentioned in the Qur'an in chapter 2, verse 23 “And if you are in some doubt, concerning what We sent down upon Our special devotee, then bring one chapter like it, and call upon all your helpers beside Allah, if you are truthful.” They failed again. And the world has failed since. The challenge is still there in the Qur'an, and everyone who disbelieves the Qur'an can still pool together their abilities and resources to try and produce one like it. But they cannot. Isn't this an awesome miracle?

Why do Muslim women cover their heads? Isn't this a sign of subjection of women?

Muslim women cover their heads because God so directed in His final book, the Glorious Qur'an. The head cover is specifically mentioned in (Qur’an 24:31) “And order the Muslim women to lower down their sights a little and guard their chastity and show not their adornment but as much which is itself apparent and remain putting their head coverings over their bosoms. And disclose not their adornment but to their husbands, or to their fathers, or the fathers of their husbands, or to their or the of sons husbands or their brothers or the sons of their brothers or the sons of their sisters or the women of their religion or their handmaids who are the property of their hands or servants provided they are not men of sexual desire or the children who are unaware of the private parts of the women; and put not their feet forcibly on the ground that hidden adornment may be known. And repent to Allah, O Muslims all together, haply you may get prosperity”. This instruction from God is only one aspect of a wider context of purity of thought and action for men and women.

Islam has very strict rules against adultery and fornication, and introduces many cautious measures to ensure the prevention and avoidance of such sins. One measure is the prescription that men and women should avoid intermingling as far as possible “And when you ask them anything of use, ask it of them from behind a curtain. In this, there is more purity of your hearts and their hearts.” (Qur'an 33:53). This is why men and women pray in separate areas or separate rows in the mosque. Another measure is that men and women should cover the specified areas of their bodies the sight of which arouse sexual desire in others. Yet another measure is that men and women should lower or turn their gaze away from looking at a person of the opposite sex.

The idea that the head covering is a sign of subjection of women is found not in the Qur'an but in another religious book with which the Qur'an does not always agree. That other book teaches that women should have a sign of authority over their heads because man was not created from woman, but woman from man. The same book says that a man should not cover his head because he is the image and glory of God; and a woman should cover her head because she is the glory of man. The Qur'an does not identify with any of these ideas. The Qur'anic prescription of head cover does not in any way imply the subjection of women.

People often confuse the Islamic prescriptions with ideas they are already familiar with. Therefore when they see Muslim women covering their heads they hastily conclude that it is for the same reasons mentioned in some other religious book. But to gain a better understanding of Islamic prescriptions, they have to be viewed within the framework of Islamic thought.

Another mistake made by many is as follows. When they hear that the Qur'an includes the story of Adam and Eve they conclude that the Qur'an also upholds the idea that Eve was responsible for the fall of man, and that the subjection of women is a necessary result of God's curse on them. On the contrary, the Qur'an is free of such ideas. In the Qur'an, Adam and Eve were both approached by the Devil. The Devil did not approach Adam through Eve. Adam is therefore specifically blamed in the Qur'an 20:121. In other verses they are both blamed; but in no verse is Eve alone singled out to be blamed for the fall of man. Although men are charged with the responsibility of leadership in Islam too, this is in view of the practical dynamics of human interaction as prescribed by God. It is not because of a curse on women.

It would be a mistake to take the prescriptions of Islam and associate them with ideas held outside of Islam. Within Islam, women are capable of as much good as men, and they stand before God equally honored.

Why did the prophet Muhammad marry many wives?

The reasons for the marriages will become clear once we survey the historical circumstances. When Muhammad was twenty-five years old he married for the first time. His wife, Khadijah, was fifteen years older than him. She remained the only wife of the prophet for the next twenty-five years, until she died (may Allah be pleased with her). Only after her death did the prophet marry other women. Now, it is obvious that if the prophet was after physical pleasure he did not have to wait until he was more than fifty years old to start marrying more wives. He lived in a society in which it was quite acceptable to have many wives. But the prophet remained devoted to his only wife for twenty-five years. When she died she was sixty-five years old.

His later marriages were for various reasons. Some marriages were with the view to help the women whose husbands had been killed while they were defending their faith. Others were with a view to cement relationships with devoted followers like Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him. Yet others were to build bridges with various tribes who were otherwise at war with the Muslims. When the prophet became their relative through marriage, their hostilities calmed down, and much bloodshed was averted.

Recent non-Muslim writers who had the opportunity to study the life of the prophet first-hand reached a similar conclusion about his plural marriages. John L. Esposito, Professor of Religion and Director of the Center for International Studies at the College of the Holy Cross, says that most of these marriages had "political and social motives" (Islam: The Straight Path, Oxford University Press, 1988, p. 19). This he explained as follows:
As was customary for Arab chiefs, many were political marriages to cement alliances. Others were marriages to the widows of his companions who had fallen in combat and were in need of protection (John L. Esposito, Islam: The Straight Path, pp.19-20).

Esposito reminds us of the following historical fact:
Though less common, polygyny was also permitted in biblical and even in post-biblical Judaism. From Abraham, David, and Solomon down to the reformation period, polygyny was practiced (p.19).

Another non-Muslim Caesar F. Farah writes as follows:
In the prime of his youth and adult years Muhammad remained thoroughly devoted to Khadijah and would have none other for consort. This was an age that looked upon plural marriages with favor and in a society that in pre-biblical and post-biblical days considered polygamy an essential feature of social existence. David had six wives and numerous concubines (2 Samuel 5:13; 1 Chronicles 3:1-9, 14:3) and Solomon was said to have had as many as 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3). New Testament contains no specific injunction against plural marriages. It was commonplace for the nobility among the Christians and Jews to contract plural marriages. Luther spoke of it with toleration (Caesar E. Farah, Islam: Beliefs and Observances, 4th edition, Barron's, U.S. 1987, p. 69).
Caesar Farah then concluded that Muhammad's plural marriages were due "partly to political reasons and partly to his concern for the wives of his companions who had fallen in battle defending the nascent Islamic community" (p.69).

When people hear that the prophet had many wives they conclude without much thought that the prophet was a sensuous man. However, a quick historical review of his marriages, proves otherwise. May Allah shower peace and blessings upon His noble messenger.

Hadiths !!

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Apostle said, "When Allah completed the creation, He wrote in His Book which is with Him on His Throne, "My Mercy overpowers My Anger."

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "The sun and the moon will be folded up (deprived of their light) on the Day of Resurrection."

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Abbas:

The Prophet said, "The sun and the moon are two signs amongst the Signs of Allah. They do not eclipse because of someone's death or life. So, if you see them (i.e. eclipse), celebrate the Praises of Allah (i.e. pray)."

Narrated Abu Dhar:

The Prophet said, "Gabriel said to me, 'Whoever amongst your followers die without having worshiped others besides Allah, will enter Paradise (or will not enter the (Hell) Fire)." The Prophet asked. "Even if he has committed illegal sexual intercourse or theft?" He replied, "Even then."

Narrated Abu Talha:

I heard Allah's Apostle saying; "Angels (of Mercy) do not enter a house wherein there is a dog or a picture of a living creature (a human being or an animal)."

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Apostle said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning."

Hadiths about Beliefs

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr:

The Prophet said, "A Muslim is the one who avoids harming Muslims with his tongue and hands. And a Muhajir (emigrant) is the one who gives up (abandons) all what Allah has forbidden."

Narrated Abu Musa:

Some people asked Allah's Apostle, "Whose Islam is the best? i.e. (Who is a very good Muslim)?" He replied, "One who avoids harming the Muslims with his tongue and hands."

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr:

A man asked the Prophet , "What sort of deeds or (what qualities of) Islam are good?" The Prophet replied, 'To feed (the poor) and greet those whom you know and those whom you do not Know'

Narrated Abu Huraira:

"Allah's Apostle said, "By Him in Whose Hands my life is, none of you will have faith till he loves me more than his father and his children."

The wooden bowl !!

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled,his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. We must do something about Grandfather," said the son. I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

Allah mentions in Surah Al Isra 17:23-24

"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor.

And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small."

How to make your Wife happy ?

The following is a summary of the book "How to make your wife happy by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

• Begin with a good greeting.
• Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well.
• Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

• Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
• Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
• Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
• Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.

Friendliness and Recreation

• Spend time talking together.
• Spread to her goods news.
• Remember your good memories together.

Games and Distractions

• Joking around & having a sense of humor.
• Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
• Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
• Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.

Assistance in the Household

• Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.
• The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.

Consultation (Shurah)

• Specifically in family matters.
• Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
• Studying her opinion carefully.
• Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
• Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.

Visiting Others

• Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
• Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
• Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.

Conduct During Travel

• Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
• Ask her to pray for him.
• Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
• Give her enough money for what she might need.
• Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
• Return as soon as possible.
• Bring her a gift!
• Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
• Take her with you if possible.

Financial Support

• The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
• He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
• He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

• Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
• Always being clean and neat.
• Put on perfume for her.

Intercourse

• It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
• Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
• Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
• Begin with foreplay including words of love.
• Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
• Relax and joke around afterwards.
• Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
• Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on.
• Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
• Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

Guarding Privacy

Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.

Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

• Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiyam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
• Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
• Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.
• Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
• Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.

Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

• Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
• Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
• Give them presents on special occasions.
• Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
• Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.

(Islamic) Training & Admonition

This includes:

• The basics of Islam
• Her duties and rights
• Reading and writing
• Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
• Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
• Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

Admirable Jealousy

• Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
• Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
• Avoiding excess jealousy.
  Examples of this are:
  1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
  2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
  3- Preventing her from answering the phone.

Patience and Mildness

• Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
• Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
• Forgive the mistakes she does to you.
  

Correcting her Mistakes

• First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
• Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
• The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following:

• He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
• He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc..
• It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
• He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body.
• He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.

Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

• Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
• Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
• Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
• Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
• Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.
• Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
• Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
• When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
• Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors. Muslim Students' Association University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999.

Taken from : Al-Haramain.org Newsletter